After the fall
by Medea6
Summary: Takes places after the ending of the game. All is not well with Lulu. My first attempt at a fic, R+R welcome. Unfinished.
1. Default Chapter

This is my first fic, so any ideas would be welcome. This story takes place after the events of Final Fantasy X, and all is not well with Lulu. If the story gets a response at all, I will add subsequent chapters.  
  
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy and the characters contained herein belong to Square. I merely bask in their reflected glory.  
  
  
  
Lulu sighed and turned over in her bed, pulling up her covers as she did so. Besaid was a tropical island, true, but as the winter came, the night air could have an unpleasant bite to it that often surprised those who weren't expecting it. It was not the night wind, however, that was keeping her awake tonight.  
  
It was two o'clock, and she was no closer to sleep than she had been when she went to bed three hours ago. It had now been two months since she and the others had liberated Spira from Sin, and her insomnia was growing worse and worse. At least during the pilgrimage, in spite, or perhaps because of, all the privations she had to endure, she had always fallen asleep the second her head hit the pillow. The price of peace, I suppose, she thought wryly, turning over again.  
  
The bad thing about insomnia is that it gives one too much time to think, she mused. Finally admitting defeat to the hope of getting any sleep, she put her arms underneath her head and gave herself over to her thoughts. So many lost…her mind flashed to images from her childhood when Sin attacked Besaid, killing her parents and so many other loved ones, decimating the village…images of Chappu, waving from his boat, his blond hair lighting up like gold framed against the setting sun, the last time she'd ever see him…images of the attack at Killika where she'd seen people picked up by the fury of Sin's storm, their mangled bodies coming to rest like grotesque marionettes, their limbs broken and faces smashed beyond recognition…  
  
Tears streamed down her cheeks, unbidden. Yet she had survived, in body at least, to the time of Eternal Calm. She knew better than to attribute her fortune to anything other than luck, and the ability to have been in the right place at the right time. She didn't deserve to live any more than they deserved to die.  
  
While on the pilgrimage her emotions had been kept in check. But now she felt nothing more than a wrenching emptiness. Everything near and dear to her had been torn away, violently and senselessly, taking her heart along with them. Now there was nothing left of her but a shell of her former self, and emptiness. She buried her head in the pillow and gave herself up the sobs that welled from deep within her. She had lost too much to pretend otherwise here, in her hut, alone in the dark. There would be time enough in the morning for her to put on her wise and uncaring Ice Queen mantle once more.  
  
***  
  
Wakka studied the woman coming toward him with concern. There were dark circles under her eyes that no amount of make-up could hide, and her face looked drawn and worn, tight lines appearing around her mouth that he had never noticed before. And, unless it was imagination, she had lost weight, too—she had always been on the thin side, but now she looked positively gaunt. Her eyes looked glossy and unfocused, hollow, as if she was not looking so much outward as inward.  
  
"Hey, Lu!," he called, forcing a note of cheerfulness he did not feel into his voice as he came up to her. "How about some breakfast with me this morning, ya? I promise not to do the cooking," he added, with a conspiratorial wink.  
  
At the sound of Wakka's voice, Lulu visibly gathered herself, forcing a smile that was quickly gone. "No thanks, Wakka. I'm not hungry. Maybe some other time?"  
  
He grabbed her arm and tucked it into his. "I'm not taking no for an answer," he replied, leading her to the town's only café. Lulu appeared on the point of protest, but surprisingly, came with him without comment, allowing him to lead her to an empty table in the corner of the restaurant. In spite of her wishes, he ordered them both a big breakfast, overriding her objections: "I'm paying, remember?"  
  
The both held their peace until the food came, and the waiter had left, leaving them in relative privacy. He broke the silence first. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong? Or am I going to have to pry it out of you?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong, Wakka. I just haven't been sleeping that well lately, that's all." She picked at her food, looking down at her plate. She gave him a smile as she looked up. "Nothing a little rest won't cure."  
  
Wakka wasn't taken in. "Lu…"  
  
"Honestly, Wakka! You'd think I was under interrogation with the way you dragged me in here! I'm fine, just a little tired. If it makes you feel better, I promise I'll go to sleep early tonight."  
  
Wakka studied her carefully. He still didn't believe her, but what could he say? He nodded, and started in on his breakfast. "Promise me, though, if there is anything wrong, you'll come to me, ya?"  
  
She looked up at him with those dark, luminous eyes. "I promise, Wakka. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and meet with Yuna." She stood, and breezed off, hair beads clinking gently. He watched her saunter out in that oddly graceful way of hers, as if she was somehow floating rather then walking. Then he looked down and sighed. She had left her breakfast untouched. 


	2. Part 2

Lulu slowly walked to the Temple, where Yuna had been set aside a few rooms in the aftermath of the Calm to receive foreign dignitaries and the like, her own hut being woefully inadequate for the task. It was Yuna's temporary solution to the problem of conducting her affairs while she was on Besaid, at least until the bigger quarters she had commissioned were completed.  
  
She was looking forward to seeing Yuna again. Her status as the most sought-after person on Spira meant she had to spend a great deal of time away from Besaid. Lulu hadn't seen her for three weeks, and was looking forward to catching up with her. Yuna had thrown herself wholeheartedly into her work after the Calm, perhaps as a way of forgetting Tidus, and Lulu was anxious to see how she was doing. Any happiness she had felt upon their impending reunion, however, had been dampened by her encounter with Wakka.  
  
The gravel of the road crunching beneath her boots, Lulu allowed herself a moment of anger for Wakka's perceptiveness. She didn't want—didn't need—his help or concern. Damn him! How had he known?  
  
You don't need to be a fortune teller, her mind drily replied. You look absolutely horrible.  
  
She cursed, knowing it was true. Even she had been startled, looking into her mirror this morning, at how pasty her skin had looked and how deeply shadowed her eyes were. Obviously applying her makeup with a trowel hadn't fooled Wakka. He had been observing her for some time now, that much she knew, but today had been the first time he had actually broached the subject directly.  
  
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" he had asked. She had hesitated, for a half second, toying with the notion of telling him, the prospect of unburdening herself nearly overwhelmingly appealing. But she couldn't. She had been going at it alone for so long now that she couldn't imagine trusting anyone else.  
  
One of the teachings of Yu Yevon, discredited though he now was, explained that no man was an island, entire unto himself. Lulu, though, prided herself on being self-sufficient. If there was one experience life had taught her, it was that she could depend on nobody but herself. The lesson had been taught cruelly, but she had learned well.  
  
***  
  
The meeting with Yuna had gone better than she thought, in spite of her lingering anger over Wakka's intrusiveness. Yuna was busy, but her new role seemed to agree with her: she seemed happy to be of help to the new Spira, even if she was a bit harried at the enormous amount of work her new position required. But Yuna had taken the afternoon off, and they had taken a walk along the beach, talking and giggling over old times. Lulu left her, reluctantly, before dinner. Yuna hadn't complained, but Lulu knew she had been keeping her away from her work.  
  
Lulu walked home along the path, humming to herself as she went. She had intended to finish some work in her garden in the few hours of daylight remaining, preparing the soil for next year's planting, but she was suddenly, and unexpectedly, tired.  
  
Oh well, she thought. There's no hurry. I guess it can wait until tomorrow. She slid out of her dress, and, not even bothering to hang it up, left it crumpled on the floor. As she climbed into bed, yawning, she thought of Wakka and her promise. Her former anger at him abated. I suppose he was right, her brain sleepily mused. I probably could do with a few extra hours of sleep.  
  
***  
  
It was the beach at Besaid, the night before Chappu left: the night she had lost her virginity, her back digging uncomfortably into the rough sand as he moved over her, whispering promises into her ear, promises that he had never returned to keep. In the middle of the night, she had reached for him, staying awake and cradling him in her arms until he woke, the dawn breaking over a beautiful sunrise—the last that they would ever see together.  
  
In the dream though, when she reached for him, he was already dead: a bloody gashing wound across his abdomen, exposing his entrails, which spilled out when she tried to pick him up. Terrified, she opened her mouth to scream, but her voice refused to comply, except with a few inaudible croaks. She scrabbled back across the sand, trying desperately to run, when terrifyingly, his eyes opened. His wound ripped apart viciously as he stood up, pointing at her: "This is all your fault Lulu! Your fault! Why didn't you save me? Why didn't you save us?"  
  
Behind him, she saw through the murky darkness other unsent walking towards her, hands outstretched, fingers pointing: her parents, Ginnem, the villagers at Killika… too many to count, all chanting, "Your fault, your fault, your fault!"  
  
She put her hands over her ears, and this time, her voice obeying her, screamed out, "NOOOOOOO!"  
  
She awoke gasping, back at her hut, bathed in a cold sweat, and chilled to the bone with a cold no amount of blankets could cure. 


End file.
